I've been thinking a lot lately about how the talk on The Culture of One has affected me. I thought that the idea of who I am right now has been shaped things in my past is fascinating and different than what I have been thinking since I arrived on campus at Whitworth. Its not just about what dorm I'm in or my meal plan that define me. Its the people I've met, the places I've been and the experiences I have had. I found my story difficult to tell to some people I have barely met but it helped that they looked like they were interested in what I was saying and didn't bring themselves into it at all like may people usually do do. It made a huge difference just knowing that theses people were acknowledging who I was and respecting me enough to pay attention, even if it was part of an assignment.
Over Thanksgiving break I got the chance to practice my new skill of listening without interrupting. It started when my sister came home for break and was telling me about her finals and when she will be home next. At first she was a little puzzled by why I was just looking at her and not responding in any way. But as she became used to it, I got to really hear how she was feeling about her tests and retain that information. She did ask me what I was doing because it was apparently very different than the way she gets treated at school. I went on the explain how we had done this exercise in class and it really works when you want to listen to someone. She thought it was a fantastic idea as well and we got the chance to use it at Thanksgiving when my family came for dinner.
I took away two major points from the talk two weeks ago. The first is that who I am has been shaped by forces that have been in my life in the past. That the world I lived in is different from everyone else's and that makes me unique. The second point is that listening to someone speak can make all the difference in an interaction. If all I am doing when someone is talking to me is how I am going to respond then I am not doing my job as a friend. It is my job to actually listen and absorb what they are saying so I fully understand and acknowledge their value when they speak.
Marissa, I love hearing about your experience with your sister. I, too, have responded to the "Culture of One" class by focusing on truly listening and hearing what others are saying. I have tried implementing this in my own life, but with limited success. I tried it with my parents at Thanksgiving, and I got to hear so much more than I expected when they realized I would not interject into what they were saying. However, with my other attempt when I tried to not noticeably respond to my roommate's words, she thought I was not listening or was instead judging her because I did not respond, say "uh-huh," or offer my own comparable stories. She requires responses to perceive that her thoughts are important and welcome, as so many do in American society. This activity is a strange concept in our culture, a society that often needs and values constant affirmation; I will definitely remember this exercise, but will only use it on those that I think would appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting how this concept is very difficult for us to do - simply listening without responding. I remember this is something that I used to struggle with while I was growing up. Yet once I focused on it and tried my best to keep my mouth shut, I found that friends would open up even more to me, and would trust me with much more confidential information. It allows them to feel secure enough to tell someone things they normally wouldn't - as they have a true listening ear. As effective as this is, it isn't always easy. But it is very rewarding when considering close friendships.
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